I can’t believe it's been more than two years since I've last updated this story. I hope that there are still readers waiting for this new chapter.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
After leaving Sunday night’s game with an ankle injury and having had a very uncomfortable visit with my parents, moments after I left the ice, I asked Tazer if I could stay at his place for the night, saying that I just wasn’t ready to face my parents yet about the woman who I thought I knew. He reluctantly agreed and made me promise that it was only for the night but now its two days later and I’m still sprawled across his couch.
As I angrily flip through the channels, I’m beginning to feel Tazer's burning glare taking aim at my head and then with a slight turn of my head, I snap.
“What the fuck is your problem Tazer!?”
“What my fucking problem is that you’ve been here for the last two days moping! When I specifically said you can stay over here for night, I meant for THAT ONE NIGHT,” he emphasizes those three words and continues on with his rant, “and not to permanently weld your ass to my couch!”
“Well sorry for being a shitty ass friend and overstaying my welcome. Let me just show myself out!” I steam back as I attempt to peel myself off his couch, noticing all my joints have had become stiff as I do so.
“For fuck sakes man, I get that you’re hurting but dude, it's been two days now and you’ve got to pull yourself back together. You haven’t moved off the couch in all that time except for bathroom breaks and helping yourself to my liquor! And hey, I get that right now you’re basically a cripple with that ankle of yours but suck it up man!" Looking at him, I see a lot of pain and a lot of anger of what he's going through. After looking at that face, I tried to lighten things up saying, "We're hockey players for Christ's sake! "
"And hey, I know you’re still angry as hell at Cassidy…. Or whatever her name is… for what she has done to you but dear God, cut her a little bit of slack! From all that I’ve heard and read she has gone through hell and back. Also your phone has been ringing off the hook day and night and quite frankly I’m getting sick and tired of it!
"What makes you think that I'm hurting about her? She lied straight from day one. How can I ever trust her again?"
"Dude," I sit myself down beside him, "I can see it in your eyes. And…"
"And what??" he says quietly moping.
"And… you still dream of her."
"How would you know?"
"You talk in your sleep!" I slouch, leaning back on the couch with both elbows on the back of the couch. "It's like you were there when she packed up and left your guy's apartment. You're begging her not to go."
His facial features turn like stone, eyebrows furrowed and lets out one deep, long exhale and closes his eyes.
"Just because I dream of her and you claim that I'm begging her to not leave, does not mean that I'm still in love with her. Whoever she is. Also, what the hell? What do you mean from what you've heard and read?"
"Uh… how about getting a proper meal into you first? Looking at you, it looks as though it's been awhile."
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I'm such a fool. How could I ever think that I could just change my name and area code and think that he would never find me. And how can I be such a coward and not tell the man that I love who I really am. Who I was. I am not her anymore. She was the victim. But then again it was always his word against hers. And it still will be. No one will believe some unknown small town girl's word over and NHL hockey player's word.
Fuck. How could I let myself back into this world of hockey players again? I surely didn't learn from the first time round, but Patrick Kane is different. An one-eighty, kind of different. Patrick….All he has done was love me from day one and all I have done was lied. I don't deserve him.
As all these thoughts run through my head, of all the screw-ups I've made through out these last couple of years, in the 5 minutes I'm waiting, my cell phone timer beeps and I tentatively make my way back to the bathroom sink and check the test result.
Hastily, I grab for the box to make sure I'm reading the test right. Looking back and forth between the box and the test a couple of times… I'm pregnant.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
In the last hour my phone has been either ringing or buzzing the whole entire time and I know it's really pissing Johnny off right now, so I picked it up, checked who is leaving me messages and then shut it off. I don't want to talk to any of them right now.
"Both she and my parents are calling and leaving text messages."
"Why don't you answer any of them back?"
"I don't want to talk with any of them right now."
"Because my parents will just smother me to death, asking what happened to her and if I'm okay. And quite frankly I can't give a shit about what she has to say right now."
"Okay, so yes she lied to you about her whole background," pulling myself up a sit beside him, now that the dishes are put into the dishwasher, "but to further explain why I also read that she must have gone through hell is because I've read that letter she left you when she left your place."
Heaving a sigh as I realized that is how he must have knew as much as he claimed then he continued.
"Pat, you need to talk with her. The way she wrote it to you, needing to protect you and your family and thanking you for loving her in a way she had never known love before. That tells me that your love means the world to her and it pains her to leave, but knows the consequences if she stays."
Again, another silence between Johnny and I as what he's saying is the truth that I failed to see because I've been consumed with the fact that it felt like everything we had wasn't real. This new silence got cut short to his cell phone ringing. Only taking a quick glance at the screen, he answers before it rings for a third time.
"Hello. Yeah he's here."
I shake my head no and throw my hands up, refusing to take the phone as he's trying to hand it over to me. Putting his hand over the speaker part of the phone, "Pat, you need to talk with her. She sounds like she hurting just as much as you are."
"Good." came out quicker than I thought.
"Don't take joy in her pain. You're hurting too."
Still holding out the phone across the table to me, I take it from him, tempted to pressed end and disconnecting the call, but I put the phone to my ear.
Johnny slide back in his chair and walked into the living room so I was able to talk with her alone.
"Yeah. I don't know what else there is to say, especially since you have never actually talked with me about anything."
Hearing her choke back sobs in the background before she speaks again, I cut her off, just as she begins to say something, "When and where?"